That looks extraordinarily unhealthy – for me.
She pounced on me, wings folded back, spear thrusting at me, clearing several hundred feet in a single bound. The monkey afforded me a lot of protection, even if I only used it partially, but… I had no idea how her power actually worked, and while she seemed to be largely limited to the paragon and apex tier (those exploding spheres had gotten intense), there seemed to be no clear theme to her capabilities, nothing to catch on to; telekinetic blasts, then remote kinetic detonations, receptive and projective empathy, flight, enhanced vision (and probably other senses, as well), protective force fields, fire balls, exploding fire balls, not to mention all the limbs and now full angelic bodies she created; I couldn’t be sure that I’d be able to defend myself against those burning weapons if I took a direct hit, so I evaded by burrowing.
Why did I feel as if I was over my head while fighting a seventeen year old girl? Alright, I’d fought Desolation-in-Light a few times, back in the day, when she’d still technically been a toddler, but…
Hell’s Bells, I’m comparing my daughter to Desolation in Light! Get your act together, buster, and find a way to stop her from tearing you to pieces!
All of those thoughts shot through my head in the time it took me to dig about thirty feet directly downwards, to get some space to breath – yeah, underground breathing room, but still better than staying up there with pointy fire death sticks and my estranged, probably-at-least-partially-insane and definitely-pissed-off-beyond-belief daughter.
That was not to be, however, as I suddenly felt a tug on the small of my back, and then I was torn out of the earth and right into the path of a swing of that wicked, long sword. That very long, very sharp and very hot sword.
Jesus fuck this hurts!
The blade bit into and through the partially manifested chest of the monkey, through my suit and into my skin – if it wasn’t for the monkey, it’d have bisected me for sure.
Oh nonono, no-
I cut myself off before I could flip out and hurt her. That was just the monkey, losing what little restraint it had… and this was my fault, after all, not hers. I was not going to hurt her over this.
Repeating those words in my head, over and over, I did my best to put some distance between us – her new form was not nearly as fast as before, and she seemed to have lost her ranged offense, or perhaps discarded it – so I kept retreating to the back and the side, leading her on circles as all her legs tore into the ground to catch up to me.
She’d make a great plough.
The monkey was already knitting my flesh, closing the wound she’d cut into my chest, but I was not up to going face to face with her unless I let the monkey out entirely, and that would be… unacceptable.
I need some time.
Using her powers cost her. I knew that much, from the vision earlier. She had a well, and it was finite. I didn’t know how deep it went, nor what would happen if it ran dry, but I hoped that, at some point, she’d be forced to conserve her resources, whatever they were.
I need to talk to Tam, to her teammates. They’ve got to know something that can be done.
I circled around her, hoping to fake her out or somehow trap her.
Chayot – not Hennessy, not now – pounced once more, even though she was further away from before, using her wings to carry herself over the distance she could not clear with a simple jump.
But she was still jumping, not flying, and that gave me an opening. I dove down into the soft earth she’d just torn up, tapping into the monkey’s speed and strength to tear into the soil.
For just a moment, underground, I let the monkey cover all but my face, and I moved like a fish in the water, tearing through the earth, breaking it down.
When Chayot landed, she sunk to her… gut… into the earth, howling in frustration as I pulled her lower body down deep, fixing it in place with a few boulders. Then I burst out of the earth some distance away, with the monkey once more only covering half of my body, and made a beeline for our spectators.
Something pulled on my waist, stopping me dead in the middle of the run. Looking behind, I saw a golden thread run from my back to one of her snake limbs. Probably how she’d wrenched my sorry ass out of the earth earlier on.
Ah, baby girl, you don’t wanna get into a wrestling match with me.
Not that I’d ever refuse a friendly one.
Still, I had her where I wanted her and there was no use in pulling her out of the sinkhole I’d made, so I grabbed the glowing line – damn, this burns! – and snapped it with raw strength.
She howled as if someone had cut her arm off, and for a moment I was afraid I might really have hurt her; but then I realized the howl was just one of rage, not pain, so I ran quickly over to the others. Everyone but Tam, Vek, Dearheart and a goat-like boy – Is he Vek’s child? – had fled the moment Hennessy had turned into the pseudo-cherubim. Something tells me they didn’t flee due to cowardice.
“Tam!”, I half-shouted, stopping in front of her. “What is going on, and how can I help her!?”
“You, help her!?” shouted Dearheart. “It’s your fault she’s flipped out this bad in the first place, dickwad!”
What a pleasant girl.
“Dearheart, shut up,” Vek said. “Mister Paterson… Aap Oordra. Chayot has always had issues controlling her power. And I’m afraid the agitation from the battle today, plus, well, your… return, was just too much for her all at once. Her power is based completely on emotions-“
“Really? Because it seems to me like her power really is built on knocking me around and trying to roast me alive,” I couldn’t stop my mouth from rattling off. “Not to mention all that pretty angelic imagery and inappropriate groping of herself.”
Dearheart almost threw another insult at me, I was sure, but Tam put a hand on her shoulder, while her eyes remained transfixed on the thrashing monstrosity that was slowly clawing her out of the trap I’d improvised.
“She eats emotions. People give off emotional energy like body heat, and she soaks it up. All of her powers burn through her reserves, no matter what she does with them – just maintaining them costs her,” she explained in a monotonous voice. “If she absorbs too much of a single emotion, and is also provoked into indulging in that emotion herself, she might lose control and… that happens.”
Breathing deeply for a few seconds, she calmed herself. “The others left so they don’t provide her with more energy. We need to knock her out before she burns herself out – it might be lethal!” She was almost crying with fear at the end.
I had to swallow a few times to get the lump out of my throat. My life. Hate it.
“She has a weakpoint,” Vek threw in. “Trained herself to always include that crystal, in case she ever went berserk and needed to be stopped. Find it, crush it – it’s really durable – and her power will shut down.”
“Don’t tell him that!” shouted Dearheart, again. “He’s a villain, remember!? What if he uses that against her, or sells it to o-“
Tamara whirled around and slapped Dearheart, hard. She wasn’t all that strong, by Adonis standards, but it still had a lot of weight behind it.
“Young lady, my daughter needs help, now! Shut your mouth and help him, we can sort everything else out later on!” she half-screamed.
Dearheart looked stunned, and Vek took charge: “I can’t help much here, so I’ll stay with Mrs Benning. Mister Paterson, please, you have to help us here, Dearheart and Slough can’t stop her by themselves!” She gestured at the goat boy and little miss rudeness.
“I shall, but you all should lea-“
“No,” Dearheart simply replied. “I’m not leaving. My power can counter hers to a degree. And Slough here might be able to help, too.” Goatboy – Slough – nodded fervently.
There was true steel in her voice, and I suddenly liked her a little more. No matter what else, she obviously cared about Hennessy.
Speak of the devil – I heard a massive rumbling, and then the earth around Chayot burst apart.
Both Dearheart and I took off, she flying up while I circled towards Chayot, so she wouldn’t attack in the direction of her mother.
The teenage heroine approached me and said: “Her crystal core is always somewhere different, but she can’t move it once her form is set.”
Chayot leapt out of the smoke, her legs morphed to all resemble a spider’s legs with cloven hoofs, her lower body swelling in size, and threw her spear at us, the blazing projectile flying faster than any cruise missiles I’d ever seen before.
I got ready to evade, but Dearheart simply raised her right hand, pointing at the spear – it flickered, then exploded into harmless sparks, which promptly vanished into nothingness.
She raised her other hand, pointing the palm at the charging Chayot,who stumbled, then fell, as all of her limbs seized up at the same time. At the same time, a burst of scarlet fire from her lower center head (the ox) destroyed said head.
It made all of remaining her mouths scream, but at the same time, the arms of the upper body disintegrated, as did its wings, and then a halo of five floating arms, two tipped with razor sharp nails as long as I was tall.
“What exactly is her power?” I asked.
“She’s a power shifter. Takes on different powers, but just maintaining, much less using, them costs her. Luckily enough, she’s limited to apex tier powers at most.”
My mouth gaped open. Of all the fucking unfair, broken powers out there, she just has to be a power shifter. And what does that mean, limited to Apex Tier? That’s NOT a limit! You can level a city just fine by combining the right apex powers! You can fuck up anyone’s day by choosing the right ones!
The spear piercing Chayot’s chest faded away, just as three of her free-floating arms (one of them with the freaky pointy death blades) opened fire on us, unleashing lightning bolts, a stream of acid and her earlier fire spheres.
I evaded the spheres and the lightning bolt, but Dearheart charged forward and made the acid vanish simply by pointing at it.
That’s one hell of a power she’s got.
Unfortunately, Chayot could tell as much, because she let the three arms she’d used disintegrate and the other two got into position.
“Dearheart, get away!” I screamed, but she didn’t.
I tapped deep into the monkey’s speed, ran up to them and jumped off, tackling Dearheart out of the way of the reaching unclawed hand trying to grab her.
“Get your hands off me!” she shouted in exasperation.
You try to be a hero, and what do you get?
“Need to g-“
Chayot slapped me down, hard, with a swing of her right snake limb, driving me into the ground.
Dearheart growled as I threw her aside at the last moment, then aimed her hand at Chayot again before she could follow up on the strike.
Pointing at the upper body – personally, I’d have gone for the lower one, bigger target, more likely to house the core – she used whatever kind of power she had. The golden woman’s flesh began to twist and boil, whole sections of it just sloughing off and disintegrating.
No wonder I had gotten odd vibes from these two earlier. Whatever the particulars of their powers were, they were not normal.
Either way, her power was useful, and Chayot seemed slow to push the advantage of her power. Or maybe she was instinctively holding back to conserve energy?
So I charged into her, slamming right into her lion-head’s mouth, letting the monkey coat the lower right half of my body too, as well as my right forearm. She probably screamed, but I couldn’t tell, because I was already tearing into her flesh, digging deeper into her body.
Find the core. Great advice.
I let the monkey’s eyes emerge so I could actually see something, then I simply tore apart her lower body, looking for anything that might constitute a core. She seemed to have most major organs covered in this form, and they even seemed functional, which implied that destroying them would disrupt her, so I did just that while working my way through to her rear end, bursting out of it in a shower of blood that turned into fading motes of light before it even touched the ground.
Behind me, her form collapsed – or, as I saw when I turned around, she’d simply dropped the lower half and was now a floating sphere formed by two rotating, eye-ringed rings topped by golden body that was twisting and boiling under the sustained effects of Dearheart’s power.
New flesh was already blooming on the lower end of the sphere.
“I can’t lock her down for long, asshole! Find the core, crush it!”
Such a charmer.
Just at that moment, Slough – whom I’d completely forgotten about – dove out of the ground, now looking more like a cross between a snake and a mole. His back arched, then turned hunchbacked, and then it split, the outer layers of his body sloughing off to let a new form emerge and dive into the mass of flesh that was forming – rather slowly, compared to earlier – underneath the sphere. He looked like a hermaphroditic marble statue now.
No matter what was going on with that power, the two of them gave me an opening – and I jumped directly onto the rotating rings, grabbing the outer one.
Unfortunately, there was no outer one – the two rings were of equal size, yet still somehow moved within each other at the same time. When they intersected, they sheared through my monkey hand’s fingers and I would have dropped had I not grabbed one of the rings and used it to propel myself upwards.
Careful to stay on the golden figure’s back – I didn’t want to get hit by whatever effect Dearheart was putting out – I started to rip into her surprisingly tough flesh, even as her burning wings struck again and again, burning into the monkey’s back – but thankfully not through it, at least not yet.
Dearheart screamed, and I felt something shatter again.
* * *
I saw the world of flesh again, though this time, a whole section of the forest of limbs had been cut away, leaving bare bleeding flesh behind to form a lake of the red liquid.
I looked up and saw a… a portal, or maybe an intersection, between this world and another. Light, flashing randomly in all colours, making my head hurt just by looking at it, was pouring into this vast world, causing pure chaos. And yet, it was not wholly unwelcome here. Part of Chayot was accepting the intrusion, I could just tell.
Must be Dearheart’s power.
I looked, and I saw – there was one figure I had not seen before. It floated above the land, a towering beauty at least twenty feet tall, her body woven of pure black light and marble white flesh. Her beauty was solemn, inhuman, utterly alien and yet incredibly alluring. She also had no eyes, only smooth flesh stretching over her eye sockets, with locks of black light almost hiding them.
Hennessy, curled up into a fetal position – and thank God for that, because she was naked here, and I did not want to piss her off more by seeing her naked – was floating inbetween the figure’s half-cupped hands.
What are you, and what are you doing to my daughter?
The figure looked at me without eyes and suddenly I knew her.
* * *
Nearly five years ago, during a particularly bad time for me, I’d found myself in a dream one night.
It had started innocently enough, mostly me, lying on an indistinct hill under the starry sky, with Tamara in my arms after we’d made love. She was asleep and I was just luxuriating in the warmth of her body, the scent of her sweat, the sound of her breathing.
Even though I had known it to be a dream, I couldn’t help but enjoy it, despite the inevitable disappointment and despair upon waking.
And then, a star had begun to flicker, then burn several times brighter.
I had reached out to that star, and somehow, we’d connected, if only for the fraction of a second.
Now I knew who that person had been.
I had met my daughter, back then.
* * *
I know you.
She unleashed a wave of raw dread on me, every single fear of my life crashing down on me at once – but the monkey was still there, even here, and took the brunt of the attack.
I know you. We met before. You know me. Please, stop this.
The dread changed into blind rage, goading me to just attack, but that was something I was intimately familiar with, and didn’t even need the monkey to block.
I could see her burning away flesh from beneath to maintain the attack.
You know me. I know you. I am no enemy. I have failed you, failed you as no father should, but I am not your enemy, nor will I ever be.
Crushing sadness, loss, a deep longing for connection.
My eyes teared up – could they even do that here, since I assumed I wasn’t in my body right now? – and I had to fight not to break down, as her attack slipped past my own defenses, and was only stopped by the monkey interposing itself to take the brunt of it.
Even then, it almost made me give up and go silent.
Please, I am sorry. Give me a chance to make it up to you, in any way possible!
She couldn’t speak, probably had trouble with normal language. I guessed, since her power was so deeply entrenched in emotions of all kinds, that she communicated primarily through them. So I poured all my regret, my desire to apologize, and what love I could muster for this half-strange girl I had only just met.
The figure – was it Hennessy, was it just a manifestation of her power, or was it something more… strange? – tilted her head to the side, and then my vision blinked out.
* * *
I was back in my body, and still clinging to the golden woman’s back.
But just as I was regaining my bearings, her body began to dissolve into motes of light that faded away, dropping me.
“Henny!” screamed three voices – Dearheart, Tamara and a distorted voice I guessed belonged to Slough.
They all – even Tam, bless her heart, who was far too far away to catch her daughter in time – dove towards her, Slough even, well, sloughing out of his current form into a new, insectoid one to catch her even though he was falling beneath her.
But I was faster, air jumping to her and grabbing her in a bridal carry.
I landed on the ground, letting the monkey absorb the entire impact, cradling the child I had never known of and yet met before.
You reached out to me, once. Across the world, even though we’d never known each other.
She was so light, seemed so frail.
I’d never really thought about having children. Or rather, I’d been planning to think about the possibility of considering children together with Tamara, all those years ago. I’d never seen myself as responsible enough to do right by a child. People with my kind of background usually ended up screwing their children up something fierce.
But now, holding her small, warm body in my arms as the monkey melted away, I suddenly had to fight back the tears at everything I had missed… I had failed her, in more ways than I’d known. What must she have gone through to become this?
Could I have prevented it?
Somewhere else, Dearheart was shouting at me to let go of her, Slough was bristling for some reason and Tamara and Vek were running to get to us, Tamara running so fast she left the other woman behind.
But right now, I could only look at my daughter’s unconscious face, and wonder.
Wonder about how I could have been so stupid, back then.
Wonder about whether or not she would ever accept me.
Wonder about how many people I would have to pull apart piece by piece, until I got my hands on whoever had done this to her, if there was someone responsible – oh please, let there be someone.
Wonder about how I could ever make it up to her, express just how sorry I was.
* * *
Two hours later…
It took quite a while to sort things out – the local director tried to stick me with the responsibility for starting the battle and endangering innocents – but Vek, Tamara and the other heroes, save for Dearheart (who wanted my head on a platter, preferably with my balls in my mouth) vouched for me, plus I still had that nifty medal.
By the time we got back to Three Heavens Gates – Tamara insisted that it was best for Hennessy to rest at home, where she had a gentle, familiar emotional backdrop – nearly two hours had gone by.
So we took her there, and I was even allowed to carry her out of the armored taxi they provided and into her bedroom (she had a lot of plush toys in all sizes) and to lay her to bed.
I almost kissed her on the forehead once she was lying there, but Dearheart – Camille when out of costume – would probably have ripped my crown jewels off to arrange said platter if I’d done that, so I restrained myself.
Besides, that was a right I had yet to earn.
Dearheart threw me out, saying that she would change Hennessy’s clothes, giving me a murderous glare as if daring me to demand to do that, while Slough remained outside the door to stand watch, now looking like… well, he had a lot of dog and some bird in his form.
What kind of perverted scumbag did she take me for?
Tamara took me down to the empty living room and we sat down, her on an armchair, me on the couch.
I idly wondered where Phil and the little princess were.
“Phil took Charity out for a walk, to calm her down. She’s never witnessed Henny lose control like that before,” she explained, interpreting my curious glance just right.
We sat there, looking at each other.
After about ten minutes, I finally spoke up.
“Tamara… there is so much I want to tell you, to explain to you…”
“Yes?” she asked, perhaps a little hopeful?
“But… what in the name of God’s light switch happened to her!?“
She turned pale, looking down at her feet in shame.
I gulped down the anger, feeling ashamed in turn. If anyone deserved being accused of not doing a proper parenting job, it was me, not her.
“Tam, I’m sorry, but…”
“No, I understand,” she whispered, then looked up at me. “How do you know something bad happened to her?”
“Five… no, six years ago. Or at least almost six years. Closer to five, to be honest… I felt a… a connection. My power reacted, I reacted, and I connected with someone, someone suffering unimaginably, but still… well, that person helped me a lot, actually. Even though I thought it a fever dream until just a few hours ago.”
She paled even more… and then she looked me straight in the eyes, transfixing mine to hers.
“I… I need your help, Aap,” she said.
Using my cape name. She wants something bad.
Not smart, to give her a carte blanche. I didn’t care.
“When she was twelve… there was a supervillain. A contriver, calls himself ‘the Ascendant’. Real madman, wants to elevate all humanity to godhood, yadayada…”
My stomach began to twist as I was already connecting the dots. Though I couldn’t tell if it was dread, sadness, shame or murderous hatred. Probably all four.
“He… he kidnapped sixty-six children and… he did things to them. Drugged them up with contrived drugs, tortured them, put them into death courses…” Her voice broke for a moment, and she pulled a handkerchief from a pocket, wiping her nose.
I, in contrast, was already cool. Really cool.
“She… most of them died. Only four survived for more than three days. The… the UH had just tracked him down, was attacking his base, some hellhole beneath a cabin in the woods outside the city, when he decided to bet it all on one chance. He… he overdosed all four of them. Lethally.”
Please let him still be alive and at large.
“They all triggered. Manifested. Whatever. All four of them, two girls and two boys. But…” She broke down again, sobbing.
I moved over to kneel in front of her, cupping her cheek with one hand. Cool. Totally C.O.O.L. Not even a hint of a tremble.
“Shsh. Tell me at your pace if you need a break,” my mouth said.
I want names, details, targets, now, my brain thought.
The monkey was even more single-minded.
“One of the boys… he manifested first. A… an S-Class. His power was… it was just wrong. And it somehow tainted them, even as they… as they manifested while they lay dying,” she sobbed.
“Then the other three manifested… the heroes, some villains who’d been helping with the search – even the Dark was helping, he thought it was disgusting what the Ascendant was doing – they managed to take the poor boy down. Killed him. Had to kill him. And even then, if it wasn’t for the three children helping, he might have broken through to the city.”
“What happened to the other two children?”
I could guess already.
“Dearheart and Slough. They all joined the Junior Heroes, after two years of largely unsuccessful therapy,” she explained.
No wonder these kids had such messed up powers.
“What happened to the Ascendant? And what do you need my help for?”
“He escaped. And he’s back. That’s why she’s wound so tight, why Dearheart is so aggressive. They’re all terrified.”
She looked at me, pure hatred in her eyes.
“That monster came back here and sent them a letter. Said he wanted his children to return to him.”
If I’d been an unstoppable rage monster, I would have gone on a rampage right about now. Fortunately, I had the monkey to outsource that to, for the moment.
She took a deep breath, drying her eyes and cheeks with a handkerchief.
“I want you to kill him.”
Uff. Need to work on emotional scenes. And fight scenes. I still suck at both.
This chapter is basically just fight and emotion. It probably sucks, at least by my sleep-deprived brain’s opinion.
I don’t know about that. I personally felt the feels on this one. I’m also eagerly anticipating giant murderous monkey rampage now.
All fine ties. Emotion works just fine XD
Typo: It made all of remaining her mouths scream,
Should be: It made all of her remaining mouths scream,
think there were a few others but can’t remember where they were
It’s good. Few things:
Probably how she’d wrenched my out of the earth earlier on.
Should be “wrenched me”
She raised her other hand, pointing the palm at the charging Chayot, and she stumbled, then fell, as all of her limbs seized up at the same time. While a burst of flame from her lower center head (the ox) destroyed said head.
The “While” seems … odd here. Might just be me. The earlier “and she” part might be technically incorrect too, given that you’d already used “she” in the same sentence to refer to Dearheart, but it’s clear enough what was intended.
You can fuck up anyone’s day buy chosing the right ones!
You try to be a hero, and what do you get?i
The ‘i’ after the question mark.
Dearheart growled as throw her aside at the last moment, then aimed her hand at Chayot again before she could follow up on the strike.
The first part of the sentence.
No wonder I had gotten odd wipes from these two earlier.
Not sure ‘wipes’ is the right word. Not sure what would be the right word, either.
fixed, thank you very much!
“You can fuck up anyone’s day buy choosing the right ones!”
should be ‘by’?
fixed, thank you
As fights go, this isn’t terrible but it isn’t the greatest either. It doesn’t seem to me to get in the way of anything, like a badly written fight does, but it’s not a highlight like the best of them are.
As emotions go you might not be a Wildbow or a Somber or a Less Wrong, but you definitely made me have feels. Which I think puts you in the top ten percent of people writing on the internet.
…That might have come off more negative than it was intended.
Let me clarify: Before this chapter I was hoping the monkey would stay under control, but kinda meh about it in general. After this chapter I really, really want to see a rampage. Fuck it all, this man dies messy.
No, it was good.
The fight… admittedly nothing special, but it was decent, and less in focus compared to part 1 anyway.
I -liked- the emotions. Here’s +1 to hoping for a screaming monkey rampage.
Gotta say I’ve never read any thrown together sentences that made me as angry as that exposition at the end here. Holy shit you just know HOW to work a guys emotions mate.
glad to hear it worked
that actually made me tear up a bit, good work fleshing this character out. your not the best with action scenes, but are loads better than the first chapters. you’re doing awesome.
KILL HIM WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!
You worthless piece of shit are the reason she’s like this in the first place!”
I do not know what are going on in these sentence.
So.. Aap Oodra… Is he the Dark’s son? I’m confused…
(conversation with yinyangorwuji, spanning over multiple webnovels)
(i started earlyer)
Mulligan? is he the director?
Mistake on my part. Mulligan was the placeholder name for Slough. Fixed the tags
Ascendant, Ascendant, Ascendant… Where have I heard that name before? The search function only comes up with this entry, but I could swear he’s popped up before in the storyline, although I can’t recall where for the life of me. Does anyone else remember?
Not in this story. I didn’t notice it while planning this story, but the Ascendant is a background villain in the Chicago Sentinels series, and is currently the strongest contender for being the overarching badguy (seeing how he was, at least in part, responsible for most of the tragedy in the books)
Well, now you have a villain that deserves to die here. The Dark looks more and more like a hero instead of a bad guy.
We keep seeing The Dark looking like an anti-villain or maybe even anti-hero. He’s classy, he’s reasonable, he’s helpful, he protects kids and destroys monsters…
Then you remember that mindrape, extended body-puppetry, literal rape, and driving several people to suicide resulted in a job offer from him.
So yes, he eliminates monsters… when they’re a threat to his plans and wouldn’t make good followers. He’s nice and polite and reasonable… around his daughter and the families of the Five. He never forces anybody to work for him… because he’s pretty sure he can turn them more effectively and with fewer betrayals if he’s patient enough to wait a year or two for people to join freely.
Sindri gets a cookie!
So why does no one call Lady Light on her hypocrisy for being with him? I mean what if a guy just came up to her and rather easily played a video saying all the nasty things the dark has done, allowed to happen, or encouraged and told her that she isn’t much of hero for letting him get away with it. Granted having her on their side is useful, but I’m surprised no one has called her out.
I like to imagine that some idiot reporter tried to call her out on just that. At which point she would give a theatrical gasp, say, something along the lines of ‘you’re right, I don’t deserve to call myself a superhero while being in love with this man’, and very publicly hang up her cape. Then, a week later, after global death tolls have risen by a statistically significant amount, she puts the cape back on and quietly resumes saving countless lives while the journalist cries himself to sleep and everybody silently agrees to not say that again.
It’s possible that I have entirely the wrong mental image of Lady Light.
Alternatively, maybe when somebody tries to pull that a Darkwraith rises up in the middle of the press conference, produces some charts detailing how she’s saved a lot more people than he’s killed, and begins to explain in terrible, terrible detail what he would be doing if he weren’t holding back for her sake. While a mortified Lady Light tries to get the camera feeds cut off before any children hear.
Lady Light is not WITH the Dark. It’s more like, every few decades, they try at a relationship again, and she almost managed to turn him over to the good side once, but it always falls apart sooner or later
Not that either of them is willing to give up on the other, but most of the time, they’re fighting each other.
Right now, they have sort of a detente going on due to Gloomy, which is also the reason why the Dark has been, overall, rather nice over the last decade. no one in the know expects it to last
See this is why you kill beings like joker because no prison ever holds him and you are killing people in the long run by letting them live. He escaped. Is there a super prison in your universe?
Look forward to see your idea of a super prison.
dieser teil wirkt unkoordiniert
She wasn’t all that strong, even by Adonis standards,
Adonis sind normalerweise stärker, du hast da also stehen das sie sogar für stärkere standarts nicht stark ist, es scheint als wolltest du allerdings sagen das sie vorallen (especially) für eine adonis nicht stark ist
The main problems I have with the fight scenes are the lack of detail. For example, one second they are over a lake and the next they are over land with no clear transition. The emotional stuff is what you really need to work on with this Monkey interlude (you’ve done fine with the rest of the story) the main problem being your characterization of monkey man. His odd phrasing (“what in God’s light switch!”) and general tone of thought seems to portray a casual attitude toward meeting the daughter he didn’t know he had and immediately getting into a fight with her. This may have been intentional, but it makes him seem less human and hard to relate to so whenever he expresses any emotion it makes me second guess and doesn’t let me connect with the character. It feels like you got distracted trying to make him seem quirky and forgot to make him human as well. This is just my opinion, and there may be a very valid yet unrevealed reason for his emotional resistance to a high stress and high intensity situation.
See, I saw that as him constantly forcing himself to be overly casual. Because if he slips, if he lets his emotions control him, then the Monkey does horrible unspeakable things to people he would rather not have things happen to. So he’s irreverent, he’s casual, he puts a great deal of effort and concentration into not taking things too seriously or giving any outward signs of caring.
I didn’t see a flat character, I saw a carefully crafted and long-worn mask.
more on this over the next two parts, but you’re looking in the right direction, sindri.
sorry if it doesn’t work for you, Cultist. As I’ve said so often, Brennus began, and very much still is, a practice for me to hone my skills. I’m very much a novice, and am experimenting a lot, thus. So I’m afraid there will be problems like this until I work things out for myself, and that will take a while.
Hope you can still enjoy it
Hmm, that actually makes sense, but I feel like this should have been made more clear early on in the first monkey interlude.
Either way, I am enjoying the story. I wasn’t so much criticizing as I was trying to point out some areas that you could possibly improve. Keep it up. You are getting better.
Typo: Cayot instead of Chayot at one point.
I liked the fight scene, it got across the important bits that needed to be conveyed without detracting from what was going on. I really liked the emotional bits, and agree with Sindri’s analysis wholeheartedly. I am interested in seeing more about these characters, especially Aap, and I am looking forward to enjoying his pissed off Monkey Rage. Presumably there is some way to shut him down when he goes Full Monkey. I also like that Chayot’s power seems to have a link of sorts with his, where she can’t fully control it and it influences and uses her own emotions.
You know, Aap Oordra being The Dark’s son makes a lot of sense. He references his family a lot, especially his father. He has a power that is obviously very powerful, troublesome to keep under control, and has fought DiL a couple times before. But is he?
Where did this theory start, I think I missed it? Personally I doubt that Aap is The Dark’s son because the only known children of the dark, Gloom and DiL seem to be exponentially more powerful than him (Not that we’ve really seen Glooms limits yet). Unless someone can provide a theory or reference for The Dark having a kid with someone other than Lady Light I think the only thing that can change my mind will be word of god.
I recall a reference to a psychologist who tried to reform The Dark, and ended up pregnant with his child. Don’t remember what happened to her, or to the child.
Likewise Lady Light has had other children, who were powerful but not apocalyptically so (like the dead one that the school is named after).
The child of the Dark and the psychologist was lynched, and the Dark took revenge on the lynch mob.
From Monkey Come Home:
At the awards ceremony: “What I also noticed was a shadow on a wall that belonged to no one present. I did my best to ignore it.”
After starting to drive: “Not to mention the shadow that had been following me until I got on the road – it was probably still there, I just didn’t bother to look – that was also a quick way.”
After having his trip shortened: “I’d almost think dad was responsible, but he wouldn’t have gone for the sunshine-and-pretty-flower imagery.”
So yeah, I’m in the “son of the Dark” camp.
Also, psychiatrist, not psychologist! https://tieshaunn.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/b002-rising-stars-part-3/ search for psychiatrist.
“flying fast than any cruise missiles I’d ever seen before.”
“flying faster than any cruise missiles I’d ever seen before.”
The image of a cruise missile is not necessarily bad, but it seems too specific.
“flying faster than any missile I’d ever seen before.”
“even as her burning wings striked again and again”
striked -> struck
“even as her burning wings struck again and again”
I dunno, maybe they’re faster than a cruise missile but slower than a ballistic missile or a KEI?
The sentence just seems off, too specific. He also seems very grounded and unlikely to make comparisons that he can’t really quantify.
Aap might be a missile specialist, but I’d guess that if he’s a ground based combatant and he’s thinking about missiles that ground fighters would see. Cruise, surface to air, air-to-surface, rocket propelled grenades, etc.
Definitely not a game breaker, just struck me as odd, and not quite fitting the character.
the overly specific description is intentional
Aap seems like he’s gotten over his villain instincts just fine.
I would consider it villainous to allow someone to live that would experiment on children like that.
“Drugged them up with contrived drugs, tortured them, put them into death course…”
I think you might mean ‘into a death course’ there.
meant ‘into death courses’